Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Proof that I am not dead, and the movie V/H/S

Hi, yes, hello blog.
Once again, I am very sorry I haven't posted...well, all year *rimshot,* there is reason for that. Its mainly because this semester I've been cracking down on schoolwork, and yes, there is a lot of it, and since there is so much I haven't had much time to do anything else! Which proves to make my life incredibly boring.

Also the only thing worth talking about is probably Katsucon, but that was over a month ago already, so its old news.

Anyway, movie review? Movie review. Lets talk about horror movies, baby; more specifically one called V/H/S.
[Spoilers included below, proceed with caution!]

I'm home for break and yesterday I decided to watch this movie called V/H/S, which you may or may not have seen a billion GIFs of on tumblr. The movie itself didn't have much of a plot line, so let me attempt to break it down for you:

There are five different segments/short films in the movie, as well as an overall arch you see at the beginning, and in between the other five films. The entire movie is filmed from a person who is in its POV, then put on VHS tapes, like a home movie.
The main story arch is about a handful of criminals who go to a house to steal a video tape. There they find a dead old man and a whole bunch of TV screens. They break up and search the house, but one stays with the old man, and one of the TVs starts to play a video.

The first video, which is given a name on IMDb and Wikipedia but not in the movie so I don't care to tell you what it is, is about a few guys who want to make an amateur porn movie. They go out, find two ladies, one who is rather odd and creepy, and bring them back to the hotel. Big oopsies, one of them is a succubus, surprise. She kills two of the guys who try to have sex with her off the bat, and the third guy escapes. She follows him but doesn't attack him, instead she tells him that she likes him. He rejects her, she cries, and then flies off with him into the night. End tape.
The next movie is incredibly boring, but a couple goes on a vacation together, and you can tell they're having issues. The first night in the hotel someone walks in, watches them sleep, does some creepy shit while wearing a mask, and then leaves. The next day theres more fighting between the couple, and at night time the masked person returns, stabs the man in the throat, reveals herself as some woman who is the lover of the wife, and they run away together.

Cut back to main arch, between this movie we see the thief who has been watching them. He looks very disturbed and confused, as the audience we note that the dead old man is no longer in the room with him.

The third short is very campy. Four friends go into the woods. One girl seems weird and tells them they are all going to die out there, which, they do. Turns out she is trying to catch a supernatural-type killer who she can't catch on film. She doesn't succeed, they all die and she is gutted.
The fourth one is very weird and a little hard to follow. Unlike the past three shorts, instead of being filmed via camcorder, this one is recorded Skype conversations. While the two characters, a girl who thinks she is being haunted, and her boyfriend, fill in most of the details, it seems like things are missing. Actually this one has a pretty good plot twist, so I wont spoil it!

Back to the main story, yep you guessed it, the dead man isn't really dead and he kills all the thieves. Not very exciting and pretty predictable. With that the last tape plays.
The last one has four stereotypical bros who accidentally interrupt and exorcism. Stupidly, they attempt to save the demon girl and, well, I think you can work out how this one ends. Spoilers; it doesn't end well for them.

Over all, I found the movie pretty boring and slow. I liked a few of the segments, but something about them being "home videos" just made it seem, well, dull. The only segment that kept me interested or on edge was the last one, in my opinion, the best one.
The blood didn't look as fake as it does in other movies I've seen this year, and the way the make up was done for when people got cut open reminded me a lot of 80's slasher films, so thumbs up to that.
Other than that, I kept finding myself pausing it to see if anything more interesting was on Tumblr, and at points it just ended up being background noise while I painted my nails.

My nails, painted while watching V/H/S
I guess I'll give this movie a 6/10. Its on Netflix instant play for anyone who wants to watch it, and if you do, feel free to talk about it with me! Looking at you, Mack.
As said in every other movie review, do not let my opinions influence you, form your own, take everything I say with a grain of salt I'm a total horror movie snob!

Ok, cool, happy watching you guys!
Loren ♥


  1. I wanted to see it, but now it doesn't sound so entertaining. Kinda sounds like I'd end up with it as background noise, like it ended up for you. :/ eh, I might try.

    1. like I said, its ok, I'd give it a shot if you have 2 hours and nothing to do and just need to kill time~ a few segments were fun making it at least a little entertaining!